Journey of Trust

Do you trust me? Do I trust you? Are you trustworthy? Do I trust myself? Am I trustworthy? So much of the self-discovery journey focuses on releasing trauma and redefining the world around you. Very little of it addresses trust.

The experiences that got us to the space that we are questioning, who and what we are, may also have disrupted our ability to trust. Oftentimes, when we have difficulty interacting with others, there is an underlying inability to trust ourselves. If your first thought is to say oh, I trust myself, I encourage you to open your mind and hear me out.

It’s important to understand that there are multiple levels of trust. Just like memories and experiences can have impacts in spaces. We would never imagine. We often stay and even avoid relationships or situations, without realizing we are displaying an old memory that is creating a continual loop.

Let’s go back to trust!!! Self-exploration will expose all the tucked and hidden belief systems that keep you out of balance. I recently took an outdoor SUP(Standing Up Paddleboard) yoga class. I found out a few hours before what SUP stood for. Because I’m always up for something new, I showed up excited and ready to go. I was reminded when I actually got on the board that BALANCE is something you have to work at. Just like trust. 

In my mind, I can get on the board, strike any pose, and I look amazing. In reality, when I got on the board, I felt unsteady, and when I hesitated, it was hard to move. Plus, I did not look like I imagined. Not even close!!! 

So what happens in a situation like this? The mind starts to pull from past experiences and memories. Some are things you experience. Others are things that have been said by people that may be tucked away or sitting right on your shoulder. As you move forward, you start to remove opportunities to keep yourself safe. But the truth is, the things that you’re thinking about aren’t always a real issue except in your mind. For me, one of the most significant moments in this experience was when I was hesitating, and I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t get my balance. It wasn’t until I used the momentum and trusted that I had the right footing, and if I fell, I would be fine, and I could get back up, that I stood straight up with no issues. Yes, I fell off, and I got back up, earning my respect and trust. 

So now, as I move forward, I will pay attention to where lack of trust is showing up. First in the hesitation that shows up when I’m making a move. Looking at the situation I’m in. I will ask. Am I safe? And if the answer is yes, then I will connect my hesitation to overthinking, which, in reality, is a tool of fear to block movement.

All these things, like procrastination, hesitation, and even simple inaction, are signs of out-of-control fear. I might even say, Oh, I just don’t have the confidence. Or I’m missing some form of ability. The action then is meant to build, train, and prepare. If I avoid this, I am displaying the disconnect of value and trust within. I have been compromised. This is why identifying the issue when it arises, and pushing in to say no, I will not allow fear to dictate my actions. 

It takes steps to get from one point to another. So we’ll just take one at a time. Today, I trust the process, and I am going to stand up on this board with confidence and still make a huge splash!!